Games

Found this old little poem today in a collective works book I've written entitled, "But My Heart Said No". I'll occasionally share other pieces from that book. I loved this one, wanted to share.




Games


My eyes are swollen over, tired of trying to stay open. I just want to sleep. I’ve been awake for days, for months I dream. Taking the longest way home to find myself it seems. My fingertips are raw from the nervous biting I’ve been doing. I’m not much for chivalry, I’m not much for anything.

And the days go by, and still I’m fine. Row by row, and line by line. The clock ticks and my lungs rise and fall. I’ve done this once, I’ve done it twice. I’m a graduate now, it’s turning out nice. The kids play and I laugh beside them. It’s mediocre, and I’m okay, I like it.

I see you there, once in a while. Your stupid hair, your crooked smile. And it’s okay, I’m alright. Just stay a distance, stay out of range. It wouldn’t make it easy on this heartache. But still you insist, you come closer, talk kinder. I thought I was clear, should I shout a little louder?

Back off, stay away. Get out of this place. I didn’t ask you here. I can’t have it this way, I need you to leave.

Then you’re gone. I’m okay. I smile, when you’re away.

Then I think, and you’re gone. And I frown, cause I’m wrong. I don’t want it this way, with you gone, while I pray. Pray for these games to be over. And my mind to stop fighting. I’m fighting a game I can’t possibly win. A game I didn’t ask for, can’t possibly want. Cause it’s a game of lose, lose, and it’s a constant taunt. Of the things I can’t have, the things I need. The things I can’t ask for.

If I’m being honest, you’re only a tease.